I wanted to try myself in this new thing called yoga and I wanted to do good. I loved it and of course, got hooked. It became once a week, an hour and a half thing for me.
I don’t know how and why but I wanted to go to Goa, India to do my teacher training. Looking back now my gut must have told me to do it because my rational mind knew nothing about yoga not to mention teaching it. I was a single mom with a 10 year old and even though I have looked up yoga schools, even though I have ordered the book they told me to, I couldn’t go away for a month or 6 weeks. It just couldn’t work financially nor emotionally. I kinda did let go of it and went into childcare. I got myself educated and became a qualified Montessori teacher. For 7 years I was working with children.
I loved it!
2013 – the news
In 2013, I have got diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis. Me, who ate relatively healthy, didn’t smoke, didn’t drink, but worked as a single mom. Hard, providing it all. I have always been hard-working though. So, getting the diagnosis was a complete shock for me. I remember it clear as it was yesterday. 14th February 2013, Beaumont Hospital. My son was with me. The doctor called me in, looked at the blood results, examined my hands, asked tons of questions and in the end, stated the fact that I have rheumatoid arthritis (RA).
It felt like he read up my death sentence. I will never forget the tightness in my tummy, and the shock and I just felt hopeless. I couldn’t comprehend how could it happen to me? My son waited over an hour for me. I just cried and cried in the car on the way home. I didn’t know anything about the illness, apart from swollen, painful fingers. All doctors said if I am not taking the drugs my fingers will deform by the time, I get old. I was scared as hell taking Methotrexate, and there was no one to talk to. Only the doc’s way or no way. No holistic approach, no plan, no solution, nothing. I am a solution-orientated person and I had no idea how to handle the no solution part! As you may imagen, I was in complete denial for 2 years. I said I will get myself treated. I went for acupuncture, tried herbs, oils, salts, supplements but my body was raging. Inflamed very badly.
After 2 years the inflammation was so bad, it spread all over my body. I couldn’t move. Literally couldn’t get out of the bed, or pull my pyjama bottom off to sit on the toilet. I couldn’t hold the hairbrush or toothbrush in my hand. I have ended up taking Methotrexate. I went through all the possible and available meds. That was the physical side, on the emotional side I was angry, lost, helpless, isolated. I was wrecked. I blamed myself, my parents, my partner…I was looking for an answer… so desperately. Do you know? All the human feelings, emotions. It took me a looooooong time to accept that it’s okay, not to be okay! There are good days and bad, and that’s alright.
2017 – yoga & me
In 2017 I have started going to the gym to strengthen my muscles, maintain good posture and I have figured if I exercised, I felt better (better meant less sore). I have also changed my diet. At the same time, I found the Yoga Sanctuary in Malahide and so Yoga & Me started to meet again. I remember going to my first class, I said to the guy at the reception: “I have RA, do not push me, I will push myself.” I was determined to get better, feel better and I was there almost every day. I loved Brian’s classes, slow, gentle and powerful at the same time. He filled the room with 20 people, all listening to his instructions. The connection between him and the yogis was amazing! I remember saying to myself: “This is something I’d like to achieve as a teacher.”
2018 – the journey
By the summer came I knew I want to do the 200hr teacher training. I kept practising and with the gym sessions, I got stronger and stronger. Very soon September came, and the journey has started…
It was only the 5 of us, but with very similar stories…stress, illnesses, acceptance, love. As the months passed by, I was more and more ready to take off and teach. Funny enough I have never doubted myself. I knew teaching yoga is for me and I knew I’d like to have my studio one day. When I have finished the course, I have got the opportunity to teach a gentle Hatha class on Sundays in the studio in Malahide. (I still teach that class) I was delighted with myself! It has become a regular class. Plus, if some teacher needed cover I jumped on the opportunity. I gave up Montessori and teaching yoga full time since June 2018. I just gave it all, and never regret it for a single moment. I got cover opportunities in other studios as well.
2019 – O.Z.O.R.A.
Summer 2019 I taught at a huge festival in Hungary, called O.Z.O.R.A. Festival. It’s a psychedelic & trans gathering and my brother told me about it. (All I got in my head was a picture of me teaching yoga to a huge crowd) He told me that people do yoga and all sorts of stuff there, why do I not apply? So, I did. And I went. And I taught. Thanks, Bro! I have never seen so many people waiting for yoga. It was mind-blowing. I loved it!
YOGA SLOWLY TAUGHT ME TO BE PATIENT; BE PATIENT WITH MY BODY AND ACCEPT ITS LIMITATIONS.
There are days when that twist can’t be as deep as it was yesterday, or today I just can’t bear the weight on my wrists as much as I could yesterday. I learned that EVERY DAY IS DIFFERENT, in the sense of whether there is pain, swelling, and stiffness today or not. I learned to accept that I do not know what I am waking up for.
YOGA TAUGHT ME TO BREATHE, I MEAN PROPERLY.
YOGA TAUGHT ME TO MODIFY, TO MAKE A POSE ACCESSIBLE.
YOGA TAUGHT ME TO SHARE, SHARE ALL MY EXPERIENCES, CARE AND LOVE AND MOST IMPORTANTLY MY PASSION ABOUT YOGA.
Teaching yoga saved me.
Saved me from isolation, depression, anxiety. Showing up every Sunday (and for all my cover classes) and taking care of a bunch of yogis attending my gentle Hatha class is euphoric. Seeing more and more people coming and enjoying the class is amazing. They become your family. Connecting with them is fantastic.
YOGA TAUGHT ME TO LIVE WITH RA. I JUST NEED TO ADJUST HERE AND THERE.
YOGA TAUGHT ME THAT IT IS FOR EVERYONE, REGARDLESS YOUR SHAPE OR SIZE, YOUR FLEXIBILITY.
All you need is your breath!
Yoga is a lifelong learning…about yourself, your surroundings, accept and let go, balancing it all out.
I have developed a great interest in the therapeutic side of yoga, and how to make it accessible for everyone. I have completed my pregnancy yoga teacher training, Mum & Baby yoga, yoga for trauma, wise women and by the end of next week, I will be finishing my children’s yoga teacher training. I have opened The Yoga Lodge, a cosy, intimate place, where We (US) can share our passion, and its benefits with everybody who wants to give it a try. And sure, why not? What can you lose?
(PS.: I have filled the room with 20 people like Brian did . And it might look it is about the number, but is about the connection you feel on every Sunday for 60 minutes)